Sausages without a toilet paper

Alexander Lukashenko has got several hobbies.

Besides ice skating and roller skiing he is fond of organizing press-tours for Russian regional journalists. The same program for all of them – a few business trips to factories and then buffet dinner. And an obligatory six-hour press-conference of Alexander Lukashenko in the end. At first glance, the last time everything went as usual. However a careful look and a good memory will help you to see that everything is back to the mid-90s.

Lukashenko happily tells Russian journalists that he is more Ukrainian than a Belarusian. And Viktor Yanukovych is the only person to blame for what has happened and is still happening now. He’s created an unbearable system of bribes, extortion and corruption. Yanukovych was the person who established “Right Sector” to fight against Yulia Tymoshenko. That was his mistake and, as a result, the reason for his failure.

Alexander Lukashenko accused all Ukrainians of what happened in the Crimea. After Petro Poroshenko inauguration in Kiev, he reminded in the interview to Ukrainian journalists: “I said: Do you really think that the Crimea is yours? So why didn’t you fight for it then?”

He assured that hewouldn't recognize the Crimea as a part of Russian Federation. He explained why Belarus hadn’t recognized Abkhazia: “We put a list on the table of Medvedev who was president at that time: tomorrow if we recognize South Ossetia and Abkhazia – that is what is going to happen. And that is what happening now with Russia after sanctions were imposed and even more”.

Among other things Alexander Lukashenko mentioned that some parts of Bryansk, Pskov and Smolensk regions historically used to be a part of Belarus, but now Belarus has no claims for them. And, of course, he expressed regret at Belarus decision to give up nuclear armaments. Now he would have kept all nuclear warheads.

The only difference between press-conference on Friday and other similar ones is that this time Lukashenko looked like an identical image of himself twenty years ago. To be more precise, he looked like himself in 1996-1997s, when he was dreaming about Kremlin. That was the time when all those treaties of alliances and agreements were signed. Minsk and Moscow announced that they were the first steps before introducing a common currency and regulatory bodies. Alexander Lukashenko used to make friendship with governors, visit Russian regions and used to explain everyone that he is much better than Boris Yeltsin: Belarus is saved from plunder, oligarchy, privatization and all pensions are paid on time. Many of Russians were ready to vote for him then.

When Vladimir Putin came to power the one thing became clear that he will not tolerate fight over Kremlin's throne. But now there is a possibility. The same situation: “tzar” is getting weaker, and here I am – the luckiest and the cleverest person, and I can be your savior! He’s got brilliant relationships with everyone – Putin, Poroshenko, “Right Sector” and Girkin. At his residency peaceful negotiations take place. He can settle everything and stop the war. And besides – there is no toilet paper in Belarusian sausages, unlike Russian ones. So there is a side for you to choose, dear Russians: you can either devour sausages with toilet paper or without it. Both in literal and figurative way.

Irina Khalip, «Novaya Gazeta»