19 March 2024, Tuesday, 8:55
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Tickets For Proval Lake

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Tickets For Proval Lake
Iryna Khalip

Ilf and Petrov predicted the appearance of Belarusian bureaucrats many years ago.

Have you really had doubts that Myasnikovich can’t come up with something like this to eliminate unemployment? It turns to be really unfair: if you are not registered at an employment office - you're a parasite and must pay the state. If you're registered, canaille, then the state should pay you. And it is only $12 and you will have to clean the streets - the state does not like to pay. And not even because it is greedy. Not at all: land plots in Drazdy are granted to officials generously, as well as apartments, loans, benefits, money for vacations, suspended sentences and fines of one basic unit for briberies and embezzlements. So, one can't blame the state for greed. It just hates people and works under following conditions - "the fewer, the better cheer." And if people start to leave or starve to death - which is even better - then the state will breathe freely. It's just physiology, nothing personal.

But Mikhail Myasnikovich is a rare exception, he loves the people. He offered to help the unemployed - to sell patents to work: "It is necessary to introduce a patent on self-employment and determine the legal status of self-employed. The registration through the purchase of the patent on self-employment without being registered as unemployed will stimulate entrepreneurial activity of individuals who lost their jobs, emersion of those not working for a long time, but involved in a shadow employment."

Brilliant idea. If you want to work - pay. If you don't want to work - pay as well. The perfect formula is finally determined. In any case the state wins the game. All the same, a citizen should pay: either tax on parasitism or patent for self-employment. The state does not owe its citizens, but citizens are subject to go to a bank to pay. And then it turns out that one should pay for approach to a cashier and bank commission. And something else not to be in the queue twice.

Myasnikovich really came up with the perfect formula. I think it will be improved in future for a universal prosperity to come. For example, to oblige a lying-in woman to buy patent on life of a baby right in the hospital. It will be the first document in his life.

Then parents buy patent on pre-school education and then on secondary one. I do not say that to marry without a license is absolutely illegal. As well as other things. Patent on "other things" can be expensive - people will have to buy it, burning desire is worse than fire. If it is marriage without registration, the cost of the patent is doubled. Can you hear the ring of coins? And then... Well, it is enough of free advice. Let them first legalize it and pay for the patent on stupidity, register themselves as degenerate parasites, then we can give them all a piece of advice.

Myasnikovich, unfortunately, have not read books and does not know it is an old story. Ilf and Petrov predicted the emergence of Belarusian officials many years ago:

"I wonder how the city has not still come with an idea to collect a ten-kopeck coin to enter Proval (the lake in Pyatigorsk), Ostap thought aloud. It seems to be the only place with free entrance for tourists. I will clear this dishonour off of the reputation of the city, I will correct an unfortunate omission."

And Ostap acted according his mind, lucid instinct and the situation.

He stopped at the entrance of the Proval fluttering a receipt book in his hands and cried out then and again:

- Please, buy tickets, citizens! Ten kopecks! Free entrance for children and the Red Army! Students - five kopecks! Thirty kopecks for those not in Trade Unions! Ostap played a winning game. Citizens of Pyatigorsk did not go to the Proval, and it took a miserable effort to make tourists pay 10 kopecks to enter "somewhere". At 5 pm he had six rubles."

Can you see it? By the way, I suggest the patent on reading of Ilf and Petrov to make free. And to hand in the book in a festive atmosphere when other bureaucrat enters his office and, of course, as soon as he pays for the patent on stupidity.

Iryna Khalip, especially for charter97.org

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